Cassandra & James
by Brienna25
Summary: Cassandra works at the Avengers facility and meets Bucky Barnes. They fall in love, but then she finds out they share something in their past that could tear them apart. Cassandra is the main character, anyone from the Avengers who I wanted to be alive is in this story too. Short fic written for Superhero land community on LiveJournal, cover art made by si crazy
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I could hear them arguing from the hallway as they approached fast.  
"Really, Steve, I don't need to see a doctor."  
"It's just part of what we do here, Bucky. Everyone gets seen by the doctor regularly. Not because we think there's something wrong with you. But just to keep an eye on everyone."  
Ah, James Barnes, I took out his medical file as I waited for the men to enter the room, nerves filling my belly at the prospect of seeing the two of them together.  
"Hey Cassie!" Steve and James rounded the corner and came up to me. They indeed looked as impressive together as I imagined them to be.  
"Hello Steve," I smiled at them and held out my hand to the man on the left, "James Barnes, nice to meet you, I'm Cassandra Rawlin."  
As he shook my hand, he smiled back, a tight smile, not a full one like Steve smiled.  
"Please, call me Bucky, all my friends do."  
But we weren't friends. Trying not to let either of them notice how much this man intimidated me, I released his hand and turned my attention to the file I was holding in the other.  
"Really," he filled the silence, "I don't need to be checked out, I'm in perfect condition."  
Before Steve could reply, I explained what we were doing.  
"We just want to get a good basic idea of your physical wellbeing. You just arrived and will be coming in daily, so I can check your vitals. After a week or two, your visits with me will become less and less regular. I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes, if it inconveniences you, but if we get a good view of how you're doing when you are physically in top shape, then that helps us to better see when something **is** wrong with you."  
"Please, call me Bucky," he repeated, causing Steve to laugh out loud.  
"It took me weeks before I got her to call me Steve instead of Mr. Rogers. I doubt she'll even call you James anytime soon, let alone Bucky."  
Ticked off a bit by that comment I closed the medical file.  
"Could you please take of your shirt?"  
"You won't call me by my first name, but you're trying to get me to take off my clothes?"  
As Steve chuckled, I couldn't help but bite back a smile myself. This was the exact same comment Steve had made when he first came to my health office for his checkups.  
"Alright," I countered, not willing to shy away from this small challenge, "James, will you please take you shirt off so I can check your vitals?"  
Calling him Bucky was a bridge too far for me at this point.  
"Ugh," he winced, "My mother was the only one who ever called me that."  
"I'm afraid you'll have to live with it, Buck," Steve slapped his shoulder and backed away, "I'll see you tonight."

As James removed his shirt, I made an effort not to look at him too much until I had to. The metal arm made him even more intimidating, though I wasn't scared of him. His face had a certain softness, even with the rough edges.  
After measuring his blood pressure, I attached the electrodes for monitoring his heart rate and breathing to his chest. And then turned to his back to attach the electrodes there. I couldn't help taking a good look, but I made sure not to linger. He was so. . . impressive. The way his metal arm was attached was something I'd never seen before and I really wanted to find more about how it worked. But for the moment, I focused on getting his vitals.  
I didn't need to write anything down, the computer registered it all for me.  
"All done," I softly said, as I removed all of the electrodes, "Thank you."  
I was a bit shook, but managed – hopefully – not to let him notice that.  
"I'll see you tomorrow."

Within days, it already became a routine, James coming into my office. It was the last part of my workday. For the first few days, we didn't talk a lot. He came in, I took his vitals and then he left again. Weirdly enough, the silences weren't awkward at all, I felt completely at ease with him. I didn't think the same went for him, he tensed up every time I would touch his back.  
After a few days, we started talking about his training. Who he had trained with, how the training went, whether or not the person opposite him was a match for him or not – more often not, it seemed only Steve was a real contender for beating him in a one-on-one sparring session.  
As he provided information, I became curious and started asking questions.  
"Did you spar with Steve when the two of you were younger?"  
It gave me the sound of his full open laugh for the first time, and I liked it.  
"No, definitely not! Steve was this scrawny little guy, he was no match for anyone. If not for him being chosen to become Captain America, he never would've made it into the army."  
As the days went by, we no longer only talked about the training sessions, but we also talked about their shared past. He opened up more and more about his life, but never talked about his time as the Winter Soldier. Somewhere during our meetings, he started calling me Cassie, like everyone else did.  
I had done this same process with Steve when he first arrived at the Avengers facility, I was the one who took his vitals every day. And I felt I had become friends with Steve, but with James, it was different. Steve had made me feel comfortable, James made me feel totally at ease.  
"Thank you for coming in every day," I told him on the tenth day, "I have all the basic information I need, if you could come back in three days, that'd be great."  
"Two days without seeing you?" he smiled, "I don't know if I'll survive that."  
"I know," I replied, going along with his joke, "It'll be hard for me too. But I'm sure we'll live."  
He reached out and took my hand. I had been touching him every day, but this was the first time **he** touched **me**. I paused in my movement and looked at him questioningly.  
"Will you have dinner with me tomorrow evening?"  
All of the charm he had was thrown into the smile he flashed. Deep in his eyes was a glint of uncertainty and worry.  
"I would love to." I replied as I gently squeezed his hand.

I couldn't say I wasn't nervous at all. Having James in my office every day was my territory. I knew how to act and what to do. This was going to be different, I would be out of my comfort zone. With my office I had also gotten access to a bathroom, so I didn't have to go home to change clothes after work. I had brought a dress from home that wasn't an evening gown, but certainly not casual either, I hoped it was the right choice.  
I was relieved to see James dressed up in the same way as I was, nothing too fancy, but just fancy enough not to be casual. His gray jeans and blue blouse suited him perfectly.  
Whilst I was told I was allowed to go anywhere in the facility, I had only kept to the offices I worked at. As we walked by doors, James would sometimes tell me what purpose a room served; TV room, kitchen, gym.  
It was inevitable that we passed people and we received varying responses. Most of them I had seen in my office, so I knew most people by name at least. Natasha just nodded at James as she walked by, Sam greeted the both of us. Steve smiled a wide smile and seemed very pleased to see us, my cheeks burned at the attention he gave us. James was perceptive, he looked at me and then ushered me on before Steve could actually approach us.  
We both laughed as we entered the room, a small kitchen. A table for two was already set and I saw hot food already on the counter.  
"I don't cook," James said, following my gaze.

James held out a chair for me and I sat down. He placed the food on the table and took the seat opposite of me. For a moment we only looked at each other. Uncomfortable as I feared it could become, it was not. In my office, we had these moments as well, just looking at each other, totally at ease.  
"You never told me how you came to work here," James started the conversation.  
"My parents were S.H.I.E.L.D. agents," I told him, "They have always wanted for me to follow in their footsteps, but I never wanted to. Even though my mother retired as an agent after she had her children, my sister and I, my father was called into dangerous situations all the time. And after he retired as well, they both stayed on as consultants. I never knew the details of the operations, but I always knew it was dangerous. And I didn't want to do that myself. My younger sister did join S.H.I.E.L.D., I always felt my parents were more proud of her than me. After she was killed in action, my parents both left S.H.I.E.L.D. entirely. They even didn't approve of me working here at the Avengers facility."  
I stayed silent for a bit, playing around with the carrots on my plate.  
"I get it. I'm the only daughter they still have left. Even though none of the action going on is right here, the fact that I'm working with Avengers is enough for them to worry about me being in possible danger."

After dessert I wasn't quite ready to say goodnight and go home. James suggested we'd take a walk and since it was a warm Summer evening, I gladly accepted.  
Mr. Stark had designed this area beautifully. Going outside, it felt like you were walking in a park if you had your back to the massive building.  
After a while, James took my hand and we continued on, chatting about our lives.  
He suddenly stopped me, didn't let go of my hand and looked at me with a serious expression.  
"Did you read my file?"  
I didn't understand where he was going with this.  
"Your medical file, yes, of course."  
"My personal file?"  
"No. I didn't, I didn't have to."  
He almost looked as if he hoped I had read it.  
"James, what's going on?"  
"I like you a lot, Cassie."  
"I like you too," I replied, starting to smile. My smile didn't fully form though, he was just too serious.  
"I need you to know who I am."  
"I **do** know who you are."  
He sighed, but smiled slightly. "Then I need you to know who I was."  
"James, I don't need to –"  
He cut through my words, "I need you to know."  
We sat down at a bench and James started to talk.  
He told me about how he joined Captain America's team and how he fell from the train. He told me how he had gotten captured and what Hydra had done to him. He told me that there had been triggers placed in his head, how the right combination of words would make him do anything they wanted. I heard all about how he would get wiped to 'start over again', but that he remembered. He remembered every single thing he did. Every single face of the people he hurt or killed. It would come to him in dreams, or flashbacks of memories when he was training.  
It became late and chilly, but James didn't realize I was getting cold. He was completely lost in his past, telling me all about it. When I shrugged involuntarily because of the cold, he first noticed.  
"I should get you inside."  
We got up and he started to walk, but I stopped him.  
"What you did. . ." my voice cracked and I cleared my throat, "What you did, that's who you were. And not even that. You did it, but not by choice."  
"But I did it."  
"Yes," I agreed, "But that's your past. And we don't live in the past, we live here, now. I'm not going to say I don't care. That would diminish it and I would never want to do that. But it's not something that bothers me or concerns me. I am here with you now. I'm not with the Winter Soldier. I'm with the White Wolf. I'm with Bucky."  
"No," he gently touched my face, "You're not with Bucky, you're with James. I like that you call me James. Please call me James."  
And he lowered his head to kiss me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"I'm glad he has you. You're good for him. I've never seen him this happy before."  
"I find that hard to believe, Steve," I countered, "You've known him your entire life. Surely you've seen him happy before."  
"No, really. Before the war, we were different, we were care-free. But I've never seen him in love. I've honestly never seen him like this. And look at him."  
We both looked at James sparring with Natasha and Clint at the same time.  
"When he first got here and started training with us, he would hold back. He held back on his punches and he would be tense throughout the entire sparring session."  
"You're saying him not holding back anymore is a good thing?"  
I guessed that could be true, sparring at full capacity would be beneficial for both parties. But since no one was a match for James yet, I wasn't sure if his full capacity was something we wanted unleashed here.  
"I'm saying he's even relaxed about sparring, he's letting down his guard a bit more. Really, Cassie, you're good for him."  
"Well, I hope you will still feel that way after tonight."  
"Why? What's happening tonight?"  
"My parents are coming to meet him."  
Steve's laugh was so loud that the three people sparring stopped for a moment to look our way. Natasha was the first to recover and tried to get to James from behind, but he stopped her with a quick jab of his leg, then taking out Clint within the same fluid move.  
Steve got up and looked down at me.  
"Bucky's never met any girlfriend's parents before. That could become interesting. Hey! Bucky! My turn!" Steve ran to the middle of the room, giving James a smack on the shoulder as they passed each other.  
"Have fun!"  
"You told him," James accused me as he gave me a small peck on the cheek.

"Where is this boyfriend of yours?"  
I hugged both of my parents as I shushed my dad.  
"He's making himself presentable, he had a training session. James will join us soon. Let's go inside."  
I guided my parents inside and to the kitchen where James and I had had our first date.  
"Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Tea?"  
"We came all this way," my father grumbled, "And he doesn't even meet us at the door."  
"Sweetheart," my mother scolded him softly, "I think we would both like some tea, dear," she smiled at me.  
As I handed them both a cup of tea, I saw James walking down the hall.  
"Mom, dad, I think I should warn you, there's something I haven't told you about James yet."  
They both paid attention, noting my serious tone.  
"He lost one of his arms and it's replaced by a metal one."  
"What?" my father got up from his chair. "You're telling us you're dating the Winter Soldier?!"  
I hadn't told them anything about James, except for his name and that he was living and training at the facility. My parents had insisted they met him as soon as possible, which seemed weird, but I just assumed that as former S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, they had wanted to make sure that I was with a good person. Now I realized that as former S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, they of course would know all about the Winter Soldier. Had they realized just from hearing his name? I didn't think so, my father only seemed to connect James to the Winter Soldier now that he heard about the arm.  
James came in, holding flowers, a big smile on his face. Metal arm or not, my father didn't hesitate for a second and lunged for James.  
James' reflexes were too fast, he dropped the flowers and blocked my fathers hand with his metal arm, producing a sound that I was sure meant my father had broken his hand.  
My mother got up and went for my father – or for James, I couldn't tell. I didn't know what was going on or why my parents were trying to attack my boyfriend, but I panicked. Seriously panicked. Being in situations where people were fighting was not a situation I found myself in regularly. So I pressed the panic button on the counter, grateful that Mr. Stark had installed a panic button in every single room.

It took less than a minute for people to show up. Steve ran in first, quickly assessed the situation and pulled my father away from James. James immediately stepped back, his hands not completely up, but held out visibly, to show that he was no threat. Natasha and Clint ran in, Natasha holding out an arm to keep my mother from moving, as she was about to lunge forward again.  
And then Mr. Stark came in. He wasn't in his full Iron Man armor, but still geared up enough to be dangerous.  
Mainly my parents were shouting. My father was trying to shake Steve off, my mother was trying to get to my father. Mr. Stark shot an energy blast to the floor and my parents both fell quiet at once.  
Mr. Stark looked around to get an idea of what was going on.  
"Get him out of here," he looked at Natasha and Clint as he gestured with his head towards James.  
James didn't complain but looked at me as he left the room. My knees started to shake and I had to sit down. Steve saw and wanted to help, but as soon as he let go of my father, my father leaped towards the door.  
"Nope," Mr. Stark quipped and with a snap of his finger, the door closed.  
"What the hell is going on?!" I burst out, having struggled through the shock of what just happened.  
My mother was shaking as well, she sat down and I rushed over to her to support her. My father was still throwing angry glances at the door, Mr. Stark and Steve.  
"Mom?"  
My mother looked at me and took a deep breath.  
"That's the Winter Soldier."  
"No," I countered, "He used to be the Winter Soldier, he isn't anymore."  
"Well, he's the one who killed your sister," my father spat out before slumping down to the floor.  
"What?"  
Neither of my parents replied.  
"Mom. Dad. Explain please."

It took some time, but then my mother started talking.  
"You know that Laura worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. She was an agent, just like we were. She was sent into the field regularly. You know that we stopped doing that because we had you two kids to take care off, but we were still active within S.H.I.E.L.D. S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't let us work with Laura though. We never knew what kind of missions Laura was sent out too. And then she didn't return from her mission. And we weren't given any explanation. They wouldn't tell us what happened, or even where. They just returned her body."  
My mother couldn't speak anymore, so my father took over. His way of communicating the events was way more to the point and without emotion.  
"Your mother and I stayed with S.H.I.E.L.D., hoping to find out what had happened to Laura. We went looking into files, but we didn't have access to all of them. One evening they found us out and they told us we had to leave. So they made us retire. But by that time we had already found out something about your sister's death. We had found out the name of the person who had killed her. His name was Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier. I saw his name and a picture, but that's all I saw before S.H.I.E.L.D. agents snatched the file from my hand and made us leave."  
My father had gotten all worked up again, so my mother finished.  
"When you told us your boyfriend's name was James Barnes, we hoped, but didn't believe that it'd be a coincidence. It wouldn't be the first time that more members of one family is connected to S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Avengers. So we wanted to get here as soon as possible to meet him."  
And since my father had already seen his picture, when I told them about the metal arm, he knew all he needed to know.  
This was too much to take in. My boyfriend, responsible for my sister's death. I didn't know what to do with this information, how to respond.

"If you were with S.H.I.E.L.D., then you know about Hydra too."  
After a nod from my parents, Steve continued, "Bucky was brainwashed by Hydra back then, he was literally taken over by them. He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't want to do those things."  
"But he did it." I heard myself saying.  
I didn't know what to do yet, but I did know that I needed time to process. So I stood up and walked over to Mr. Stark.  
"I'd like to resign from my job," I formally told him.  
"I don't accept that," his response was immediate, "Take a paid leave. Stay away for a month. Or two. And then let me know."  
"I'd rather just quit."  
"Take the paid leave, Ms. Rawlin. Even if you never return, you can have it until you find a new job."  
I had not had a lot of personal interaction with Mr. Stark but I knew instinctively that I was not going to win this fight. All I wanted right now was to leave, so I could sort my thoughts.  
"Mom, dad, let's go."  
They followed me to the door but Steve stopped me.  
"You can't just leave like this. You know it wasn't him," he pleaded with me, "You can't just leave him behind like this."  
"I need to think and I can't do that here. I can't do that with him around."  
"But you have to talk to him, if you wait, it'll only become more difficult."  
I wasn't up for his reasoning right now.  
"Please let me pass, Steve."  
"Cassie, please."  
"Let her go, Cap," Mr. Stark snapped his finger again and the door opened.  
"Tony. . ." Steve started arguing with Mr. Stark as my parents and I left the room.

I didn't even want to get anything from my office, I just wanted to get out of here.  
Before we reached the exit, James had caught up with us though.  
"Cass!. . ."  
Hearing his voice, I couldn't keep on walking, I had to turn around and face him.  
"Dad, it's okay," I said as I saw my father taking a step back.  
Natasha and Clint were still with James, so I asked Natasha to take my parents to our car.  
As they left, James came over to me, Clint stayed in the shadows, waiting to see what would happen. I didn't care if I had an audience or not.  
"Did you know?" I demanded.  
"No," he wasn't confused at all. Someone had already filled him in, "I told you I remember all of their faces," I winced at this, imagining him seeing my sister's face as he killed her. "But I don't know most of the names, I wasn't always told names, that wasn't information I needed. I had no idea. I never would have approached you if I had known."  
He didn't apologize for what had happened, for what he had done.  
"I need time away from here." From him.  
"Please let me go. Give me time," I begged, as he didn't move.  
His eyes went dark as he looked at me and took a small step back. He opened his mouth a bit, but seemed to change his mind, cause he didn't say anything. I walked out without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

For days I grilled my parents about everything they knew about Laura's time at S.H.I.E.L.D. I wanted to know every little detail they could think off. It was as if I thought that the more information I had, the better I would be able to process. But it didn't help, not one bit.  
It didn't help any of us. My parents just had to relive it all, it broke their hearts all over again. Realizing my questioning was hurting them, I decided to leave them alone. Literally.  
I asked them to go home and stayed alone at my apartment.  
No one contacted me. They all honored my desire to be left alone.  
And it didn't help.  
I had nothing to do with my time.  
Two weeks of being left alone and I felt like I was going crazy.  
So I wound up driving back to the facility, for a meeting with Mr. Stark. I deliberately went on a Sunday evening. Mr. Stark didn't keep to office hours and I knew the people I didn't want to see would be on a different floor of the building. My hope was that I wouldn't run into anyone.  
I expected to be sent to Mr. Stark's office, but I was brought to a basement instead. There were a lot of Iron Man suits lying around and Mr. Stark and Mr. Rhodes were discussing the functionality of an arm piece.  
"I can come back," I offered, already retreating.  
"Ms. Rawlin, come on in!" Mr. Stark stayed where he was but Mr. Rhodes came over to shake my hand, "I just like to keep my mind busy."  
"I know the feeling Mr. Stark," I smiled.  
He pulled on a wire in the arm piece, adjusting it.  
"What can I do for you?"  
"I need to work," I bluntly stated, "I need to keep my mind busy, I'd like to come work in your lab, if you'll have me." I was asking for a job at another location, I didn't want to come here everyday, afraid I might be running into someone I wouldn't want to see, I wanted to keep my distance still for now.  
"I've read your file and I've seen what you can do. You're too valuable to be hidden in the labs," he told me.  
"Mr. Stark," I started hesitantly. He looked up, encouraged me to continue, "I can't go back to the work I did. I can't be in contact. . ."  
"I'd like to have you on my research team," he interjected, "It's a completely different job from what you've been doing, but I have all the faith in the world that you're more than capable. Most of the team left to go train elsewhere for the time being, so the job you did have is redundant at the moment anyway. I like to come in from time to time to brainstorm with the research team, so you'll be working directly with me some days. What do you think?"  
I wasn't quite sure what to think. I had come here to be content with a simple job, just to keep me busy. Instead he was offering me one of the top jobs in the facility. And whilst offering me the position he made it clear that ''the team'' was gone, I wouldn't be confronted with anyone I didn't want to be confronted with in the near future.  
"Ms Rawlin?"  
Both men were looking at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.  
"I think I would love that, Mr. Stark."

Mr. Stark showed me to my new working area himself. The research team was located at the top floor of the facility and everyone who worked here had their own rooms. A simple living room, kitchen, bathroom & bedroom. Mr. Stark explained that that was because sometimes they'd work overnight whenever an idea was just too good to hit the pause button on it. He showed me my rooms and then took me into an office full of people. There were a lot of desks with laptops & laboratory equipment. People scattered throughout the room, working in groups or alone.  
Mr. Stark opened the door and announced my name and profession to the whole group, allowing a minute or two for introductions.  
Then he took me to Dr. Banner and introduced us, stating that since I was in the medical field, I'd probably be working with Dr. Banner a lot.  
"Everything on this floor is secure, all of the information on the computers stay in these rooms, the servers are on this floor as well. You're going to have to sign a confidentiality agreement."  
He paused and I nodded my agreement.  
"We like to have an open environment to work in, so you can read up on everything, look into any project you'd like to. Don't be shy about throwing ideas into the mix, that's why you're here. Any questions?"  
I was still a bit overwhelmed by the idea of this job, I slowly shook my head.  
"Take your time to catch up on projects, read the files, you're invited to jump in any time."  
He backed away, but I couldn't let him go without asking.  
"Mr. Stark, I have to ask."  
"Yes?"  
The only near us was Dr. Banner and he was busy typing on his laptop. I dared asking, cause I really **had** to.  
"Am I getting this job because of Bucky?" I had paused for half a second before saying Bucky. I had been the only one to call him James, but now I couldn't even think of him as James. I had to distance myself and ironically enough, the nickname that his friends had for him did the trick.  
"Because of Barnes? Absolutely not."  
If I hadn't had to make sure, I would've regretted asking the question.  
"Bruce has mentioned two times already that he wants to add another doctor to the team."  
Dr. Banner looked up and nodded.  
"There's only one other doctor here, apart from him, we need more people from the medical field. But, don't let that stop you from participating in other projects too."  
"I'm sorry," I offered.  
He waved me off and left the office.

Within weeks, I was working directly with Dr. Banner, who insisted I called him Bruce.  
We were mainly focusing on a new arm for Bucky. Wakanda had made him a perfect arm, I'd read all about it, it was strong and perfect for fighting. But we were trying to built him an arm that would be functional for every day life, an arm that would actually be able to feel. Even though I wasn't trained in the technical field, I understood and was blown away by the technology used.  
By now, I had moved into my rooms at the facility. Mr. Stark was right, the hours were crazy, we would work very late almost every day. But it didn't tire me out one bit, the work was exciting.  
And then one evening, they returned. Bruce and I were working as cars rolled up the driveway. Clint, Natasha, Steve, Bucky, they were all there.  
Would he come to see me? Would he even know that I was working here?  
I got distracted and clumsy, tipping over a tray of instruments. As I gathered my instruments, Bruce seemed to casually start speaking.  
"You know," he adjusted a wire, "You asked Tony if he gave you this job because of Barnes."  
"Yes," I replied, picking up instruments, "He said that wasn't the case."  
"I know. And I'm quite sure that's true. Tony doesn't particularly like Barnes."  
"Why is that?" I asked as I put back the tray on the table. Bruce didn't look at me, but continued his work on the arm.  
"The Winter Soldier killed Tony's parents. Barnes and Howard Stark knew each other in the war, I think they were friends. And then when Barnes was the Winter Soldier, he was ordered to kill both of Tony's parents."  
Bruce had the wire in place and now looked up at me, setting his glasses right.  
"You know that I turn into the Hulk?"  
This seemed a rhetorical question, I just gave a quick nod.  
"When I'm the Hulk, I'm not in control, the Hulk is. And I've regretted what the Hulk has done many times."  
He turned back his attention to the arm.  
"Do you think this wire will be strong enough?"  
I went over to him to see, but I couldn't focus any longer. I excused myself and went to my rooms.

I tried watching TV, I took a shower, I made myself some dinner, but only ate a few bites. I was restless and I couldn't focus. It was a few minutes past midnight, but I needed to get outside, get some fresh air. I left my room, not really having a plan other than going outside. I debated going out to the roof of the building, but I wanted to be in nature, so I opted for going downstairs.  
And promptly ran into Steve.  
"Cassie."  
"He – Hey," I stammered.  
"Tony just told me that you joined the research team. I was just coming to the lab to see if you were still up."  
"I'd love to catch up with you in the morning," I told him, "Right now, I was just going to get some fresh air."  
"This late?" he looked as if he didn't approve of me going outside.  
"Let me join you," he offered.  
"That's okay," I stepped away, he was still my friend and I didn't want to be too blunt, but I really didn't want him to join me either, "I won't stay out long, after all, I need my beauty sleep," I joked, leaving him as I quickly went down the stairs.

It was a relief to be in the cold air. Fall had set in and the light from the building shone on the leafless trees. Combined with the moonlight it made for a beautiful sight. I sat down on a bench with a deep sigh. I had no idea what I wanted. Did I want to stay now that Bucky was back? Or did I want to leave my work? Could I handle seeing him? Being around him? The glimpse I had gotten of him when he arrived this evening had already imbalanced me.  
A movement to my left startled me and I almost screamed as I quickly shot up to my feet.  
One fluid movement and Bucky was standing next to me, holding out his hands, but not touching, ready to steady me if needed.  
"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I was out for a walk, I didn't mean to scare you."  
The thought came to me that Steve had wanted to go with me because he knew that Bucky was out here, not because he didn't want me to be alone outside.  
The two of us had been at this bench before.  
I looked up into Bucky's eyes and stretched out, taking his hand.  
"I know who you are."  
The look of uncertainty he had had in his eyes got replaced with a look of confusion.  
"I know who you are," I repeated.  
All of the questions I had just been thinking about were answered as soon as I saw him.  
"I told you that I was okay with who you used to be, with what you did. I told you that I was with you, the person who you are now. And then when it was my sister, I couldn't deal with it. How hypocritical," Bucky shook his head, but I didn't let him get a word in, "I could see it. I don't even know what happened, or how, or where, but I could see you killing my sister. And that was too much. But it wasn't you. You didn't do that. And I know that. Of course I knew it all this time, I just needed time. I needed time to process, I needed time away from you. I needed to mourn her loss all over again."  
I felt like I was just rambling by now. But I wasn't confused, I felt confident, I felt certain.  
Bucky squeezed my hand.  
"It's okay."  
"It's not," I disagreed.  
"Yes – "  
The poor guy wasn't going to get a sentence in tonight, I cut through him again.  
"No," I said fiercely, "It's not. It's not okay. I know who you are."  
I looked into his eyes, added my hand to the other one that was already holding his.  
"I know who you are," I whispered. Tears had filled my eyes and I could barely even see him anymore.  
"And I love you, James."


End file.
